I cannot sleep.
Now that I’m semi-free from anything academic related (and I say semi-free because I still have a CS150 take home group project to worry about) I have the time to actually think about leaving. I realized that I’m leaving in less than three weeks, and I am freaked out by how fast everything is happening; I’m not quite sure if I’m ready to leave.
I’ve had three despedidas already since last week and I have a couple more ahead of me: one with my JTA block, hopefully one with my other set of high school friends, and one with my relatives. I’ve been spending time with as much group of friends as I can lately and it’s all making me feel happy and loved and emotional and clingy all at the same time. The whole of this JTA experience is emotionally crazyyyyy I am freaking out. I wish I booked my flight a little bit later so I could spend more time with my family back at home.
Disclaimer: I’m not complaining. I’m just panic-ranting because everything’s still surreal for me. I still can’t grasp the fact that I’m really leaving and that I’m leaving soon. Plus it’s 3:53 in the morning what do you expect. And I’m a girl.
I really don’t know if things will go as planned. We originally planned to backpack around Europe for three solid weeks, start from Greece and then Italy and maybe Monaco and then Spain and then back to France. Not sure if we’ll be able to do it because up until now we haven’t booked anything yet, and we’re not sure of what Eurail pass to get and when because select passes that include 3-5 countries don’t include France anymore. If our plans don’t push through, then I have until September 15 completely free. I have time to be bum. In France. Wow sosyal papakabum lang sa France pa.
The thought of having so much free time excites me: I can write and read and walk around and think and sleep all I want! I allotted huge chunks of allowances before the beginning and after the end of my classes and now I’m not sure if it’s a good idea. See, my classes start on September 16 and end just before Christmas. I am staying in France a full month earlier and three weeks later than the duration of my classes. I have a pretty strong feeling I’ll be extremely homesick especially during Christmas. Or I don’t know maybe I’m just thinking too much.
I have tons of things to accomplish before I go and I need to squeeze them all in within two weeks or so: clean my dorm room and segregate the things I’ll bring in France and the things that will stay locked in my closet, make lists of what I’ll be needing (which is very crucial because if I forget something I’ll surely be having a bad time) and do last minute shopping, dentist and dermatologist appointments, packing (!!!) and of course spending quality time with my family and friends. I have two weeks left to spend with them at home. Two weeks. That’s not enough.
Thinking about all of these things makes me feel panicky and restless. Maybe I should just calm the f down and try to sleep.
x